My mental health
It has been 10 years today since my Dad died of a rare disease called acute lymphoblastic leukaemia. Diagnosis to death for him was 5 weeks, 3 weeks more than the Doctors originally gave him. I know that the reason he lived longer than expected was due to the power of his mind. He did not want to die when he was 66 as he didn’t like those numbers, it was that simple. He died 2 days after turning 67. It was clear on his birthday that he was allowing himself to "go" as his condition dramatically deteriorated then. He was too young, and it was all too quick.
A little bit of me died the day my Dad died. At the time, I did not articulate my feelings, I wasn’t really sure what I was feeling. I got on with supporting my Mum, running a new business (it launched 19 days before he died) and looking after my 8 month old son. A few months on from my Dad passing the blackness consumed me so much so that I could not breathe from the sobs that came from a very dark place. Through the support of my husband and my closest of friends they ensured I got the support I needed. Following on from that time I had a few other bouts of depression which were triggered by the trauma of my son being on emergency helicopter rides, but I am self-aware and ensure I talk before the black dog sits on my chest.
No one knew I was depressed back then, I am not sure I knew; I was and remain the girl who always has a smile on her face. However, my smile no longer hides any sadness, I talk to people if I feel down. My head is in a good space and has been for a long time, but I remain very self-aware and feel no shame in asking for help if I need it.
My reason for sharing is that #Itisoknottobeok and everyone can suffer from #mentalhealth issues. The current climate we are living through has impacted many peoples mental health. If you are feeling down, please talk to someone in your life or a support line like the Samaritans or Breathing Space.
This is a picture of me and my Dad on my wedding day. A very happy memory indeed and today I choose to focus on that.